you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What a dumb baby whore.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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