I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
