There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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