Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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