girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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