he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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