omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
