Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
