i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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