the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
