your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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