Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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