oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
