I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
