guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
