A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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