She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
