I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
