I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
