If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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