Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
