I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
