Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
