She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
