i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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