Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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