i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
