from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
