I just made out with a guy for $7.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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