I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
