What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
