Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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