just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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