Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
