Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
