you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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