And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
