What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
