I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am available for nakedness
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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