I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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