The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
