i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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