Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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