I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
