you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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