sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We left the knife in your bed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
