goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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