His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
