that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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