Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
